it's actually illegal in a suprising amount of states and countries to participate in oral sex...i can picture some guy with a map going "hey honey, see all these places with frowny faces on them...we're not going there for vacation.-jay leno

Peace, pot, tequila shot, Jesus loves us stoned or not. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, Speed, weed, birth control. Life's a bitch, then you die, Once you do an American Pie. Pick up some chicks, or lay them dicks, Cause we're the class of 2006

"The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev."

Robin Williams.

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."

Jim Carey.

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder."

Alfred Hitchcock.

"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."

Peter O'Toole.

"Television has brought back murder into the home -- where it belongs."

Alfred Hitchcock.

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."

David Letterman.

"After The Wizard Of Oz I was typecast as a lion, and there aren't all that many parts for lions."

Bert Lahr.

"Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory."

Joan Rivers.

"I bought an audio cleaning tape. I'm a big fan of theirs."

Kevin Gildea.

"Jerry Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swin next time, OK Jerry?"

Denis Leary.

"My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I had the chance."

Denis Leary.

Posted by YOUR NAME @ 8:04 p.m.

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